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I think everyone should check out Happy Hour Mom!  Especially the daily confessions!

garage sales...

I am sitting inside my garage freezing!  This doesn't feel like spring weather to me!  The wind is blowing like crazy and I am considering shutting down early and taking a hot shower!  Seth took Halle to her soccer game and Noah is at gramma's house so I am here by my lonesome!  I have had some neat 'shoppers' today!  One couple is having a baby boy and decided to buy all of my boy stuff (of course I didn't sell the "good" stuff that I will be passing on).  I don't think they had a real sense of sizes for what age and what the season will be, but they got a great deal so hopefully what they can't use they can pass on too!  Sometimes I think "why don't people want this?"  I think very highly of my "junk."  ha!  

So why I sit out here freezing in what should be 80 degree weather....I will think happy thoughts about what I would rather be doing!  

Playing outside in the sun with these two kiddos tops my list!

would rather be watching "Alice in Wonderland" at the IMAX

I would love to be at the beach right now!

Mmmmm starbucks!!

Shopping...shopping...shopping!  I gave up shopping for lent (recreational shopping), but I did buy shoes for the kids and an Easter dress for Halle.  I figure those don't count, because they are essentials. =)

I would love to be getting a pedicure right now!  Love them!  I very seldom get one, but had one last weekend for our anniversary date and I want another one very very soon!

My hubby is bringing me home Wendy's Chili!  Thank you Stacey for bringing some by yesterday!  I could eat this chili every day.  It's awesome when you add some french fries!  (can you tell i'm hungry?!)  

I will continue to sit here hoping people come by my stuff.  But I am shutting down at 1:00pm.  Seth will be home shortly with the kids (and my chili) and we have a birthday party to get ready for!  Happy birthday Gallagher!  

Crazy moms...I might be one of them?!

Today was enrollment for preschool at Piedmont!  We are technically not in Piedmont school district,....yet!  We are putting our house up for sale tomorrow, and are going to try to sell it by owner.  We don't really have plans yet as to what to do when it sells.  We are just praying that it sells...and sells quickly.  We will probably just rent for a while until we find a house we want to buy or build.  I am not in a huge hurry and don't want to feel rushed about our permanent residence yet.  I also don't want to be stuck with two mortgages.  So please pray that our home sells and that it will be a blessing to whoever is the new owner.  We have had wonderful memories here!  People have asked why we are moving to Piedmont.  Halle and Noah both stay with their Aunt Lala.  That is such a huge blessing to me!  Since I am unable to be a stay at home mom, I love that they get wonderful loving attention from her.  I also trust her completely with Noah and his monitor situation.  When school starts, I won't be able to pick Halle up everyday at 3pm or take her at noon, so the best situation is to have her in Piedmont schools where her aunt can do the taking and picking up.  This has been something that we have been planning since I was pregnant with Noah.  We have just been dragging our feet a little bit thinking it would be too hard with a newborn.  I think it might be hard with a new walker too.
Back to my enrollment story.  I have heard how people almost practically camp out to enroll their kids in pre-k....and that it's first come first serve.  However, when I spoke with the secretary, she told me that they would allow parents to line up at 3:30 and enrollment begins at 4 pm.  So I pull up in the parking lot (which was full) and see this loooong line of parents.  I finally get parked in a muddy field and walk to the line.  I just kind of stand there and a guy (in a bright orange sweater) tells me where the back of the line is (in a not so friendly tone).  So I make it to the back and meet up with my friend Stacey.  Well this wasn't a "real" line and the guy was crazy to think we would walk in single file fashion to the front doors of the school.  When the last bus left and we were able to cross the street to get in the real line a lady starts running and then I see an orange flash (psycho eager dad) running to the door, I grab my friends arm and we book it to the door.  Crazy dad still beat us and claimed position #1.  I am proud to say that we were #8 and #9 in line!  It ended up being first come first serve so I am hoping that Halle will be in the afternoon class.  They are now offering full day pre-k and I felt kind of pressured to make a decision.  We were taken in by groups of 25 and had to make a decision right then giving our 1st, 2nd, and 3rd choice out of full day, 1/2 day a.m., 1/2 day p.m.  I wasn't aware that there would be an option for full day.  I feel right now the best option is 1/2 day pm.  Halle will be able to spend time with her brother in the morning, eat breakfast and lunch with him, and then go to school from 12:10 to 3 p.m.  (Also, the thought of me having to get her to school at 8 a.m. for 1/2 day a.m. kind of freaks me out.  I run late every where I go!)  I think she would be fine in all day, but had to make a decision right away.  To my friends of preschoolers and teacher friends.....what did you choose or do you recommend?  I am hoping that I made the right choice.  And it's not the end of the world if I didn't.  I didn't even go to preschool when I was little and we didn't even have all day kindergarten.  Times are changing!

I Love You So...

I love you as BRILLIANT as each sparkling star,

and as WAY OUT as space,

I love you THAT far.

I love you as GIGANTIC as a great lion's roar,

and as DEEP as the ocean, I love you MUCH more.

"That IS a lot," you say, "but HOW did it start? 

WHERE did love come from to be in your heart?"

YOU put it there, really, when you and I met.

AND I knew for certain WITHOUT you I'd fret.

From MY HEAD to my TOES, I was feeling inside

a devotion for you SO DEEP and SO WIDE.

And now it's ENORMOUS and wonderfully real

and hard to describe HOW MUCH I feel!

I love you as AWESOME as a thundery sky,

and as SOARING as mountains, I love you THAT high.

I love you as SILLY as a puppy dog's kiss, 

and as QUIET as midnight, I love you like THIS.

"Do you love me EVERY day?" you ask with doubting awe,

"or does love go UP 'N DOWN like a teetering see-saw?"

I love you as STEADY as the earth rounds the sun,

though SOME days of life are the FARTHEST from fun.

"Like when you feel MAD?" you ask with distress,

"cause i've BROKEN the rules or made a BIG mess?

Or, when I'm UNKIND, and your feelings are BLUE,

do you love me ALTHOUGH I do what I do?"

I love you being NICE, and when you're CRANKY, too.

I love you without like the NAUGHTY things you do.

My 'love you' DOESN'T change like the temper of the days.

It's a CERTAIN kind of thing in many DIFFERENT ways.

You're my SWEETIE, my dear, my SMILE and laughter.

You're my PLAYMATE for always, and my JOY ever after.

Hanging out WITH YOU is where I want to be...

eating ice cream sundaes or watching the TV.

UNDER your umbrella, behind you on a bike.

BY you and BESIDE you is what I REALLY like.

"Do you love me just AS MUCH when I'm FAR away from home?

Is your loving still THE SAME in distant lands I roam.

I love you NEAR or FAR.  I love you HIGH or LOW.

My love is there with you WHEREVER you may go.

"Even when I'm SICK...and I can't get out of bed?

Do you love me better HEALTHY than a fever in my head?"

I love you sick or able.  You're ALWAYS you to me,

the ONE I LOVE forevermore.  Undeniably.

I CAN'T IMAGINE life before YOU came along...

me there singing senseless, no MEANING to my song.

Call it MEANT TO BE, or simply blessed fate, 

you fill my heart WITH LOVE...and for THAT I celebrate.

I Love You So....    

by Marianne Richmond

do you ever wonder while you wander.....

I have known that I was adopted for as long as I can remember.  I was always told that I was "special" and "chosen."  As a child, I would walk through the stores and if I saw a tall blonde walking around I always wondered if that could be my biological mother.  Everyday I would think about who she was, where she was, what her life was like, did she miss me or think of me....and so on.  This is not to take anything away from my amazing adoptive mother, who is my MOTHER.  She raised me since I was 18 months old and I don't remember life before her.  She and my father have been the best parents to me and gave me "life."
I think it is normal to wonder who your biological parents are and why they made the choices they did.  When I was about nine or ten I remember getting some of the biggest news that I have ever received.  I was outside playing with a neighborhood friend, when my mom and dad called me in the house.  They asked me to sit down on the couch because they had something to tell me.  They told me that my biological mother had passed away.  This was something that was very hard to hear.  I can't explain it, and it may not make sense.  You may think that it shouldn't be hard since I never knew her.  I had always hoped to someday meet her.  I always knew that when I was 18 I was going to find her, just to meet her, not to have her replace my mother, but just to see where I came from.  I still searched for many years, hoping I might uncover something.  It seemed like a never ending search.  I did find out that my fathers name, and that he was at one point living in Norman, Oklahoma.  I also found out my mothers full name.  I found out that my maternal grandfather was indian, cherokee and choctaw.  My maternal grandmother was blonde with blue eyes.  My maternal aunt and grandmother both had radical masectomies.  I know that I was raised by my grandmother until DHS took me away.  I know that my mom probably wanted an infant, but when she saw me with my big belly and big eyes, she couldn't turn me away and I will forever be grateful.  I was told how they would have to take the food away because I would eat and eat and eat, like I wasn't going to get another meal.  My mom said that from day one all she had to do was put me in bed and I didn't make a sound.  She told me she thought it was probably because I was used to no one responding when i did cry.  I have maybe one picture from the foster home, and it was a very smoky background and I was in a playpen.  My mom's friend told me recently that she remembered the day my mom and dad brought me home and they stopped by their house and she remembered that I was the snottiest little girl, that my nose just ran and ran when she got me.  I suppose that picture with the smoke might explain it.  Wait, and there were a couple of other pictures, one with a faux-hawk and one with food all over my face.  My lovely parents did get pictures taken when they adopted me....thank you for that!  Maybe that is why I am a freak about taking my kids pictures all of the time, because I don't have any under the age of 18 months.  My dad made up for the lack of pictures and I think he always had a camera in his hand!
What is so strange is that most of my life I have had this desire to meet my biological family.  This desire has faded drastically since I married and had my own children.  I used to think about everything daily.  Now, it seldomly crosses my mind!  Recently, I have learned of three friends that are adopting through DHS, and this has just kind of brought some thoughts back up.  It was always kind of different growing up with two parents that looked so different from myself, and a brother with dark hair and dark eyes....that blended in perfectly with them.  Everyone would know that my brother was part of the family, but I kind of stuck out like a sore thumb because I had blonde hair and bright green eyes.  I kept getting taller and taller until I was taller than everyone in my family.  I always wanted to have children and just have that one person on this earth that looked like me.  When I had Halle, she had thick black hair and looked exactly like her daddy.  To this day everyone tells me that she looks like Seth!  She is beautiful, and I love that she looks like her daddy!  Everyone tells me that my son looks exactly like me.  I just think it is so neat to have this person that looks like me.  Everyone has always told me that I looked like my mother.  I don't think it's that we look alike, but that we have the same mannerisms.  Now my mother and grandmother look identical!!
God has blessed me with the most wonderful mother and father.  I would not be where I am today if it weren't for the "life" that God and my parents gave me!  My happiness isn't measured by the size of my house, the car that I drive, or other earthly "things" but rather by my relationship with God, my family, my parents, my husband, my children, my grandmothers, my in-laws, my aunts and uncles, my brothers and sisters, my nieces and nephews, my cousins, my friends, my dogs, my work, giving, learning, and loving others.  I wanted to say thank you to my mom and dad for everything you have given to me.  Thank you for being such wonderful grandparents.  Halle and Noah are blessed to have such a great Nana and Grandpa!  I am so thankful that you "chose" me!

Noah Update

Tuesday afternoon was Noah's appointment with Dr. M., a pediatric GI doctor.  I had hoped that when we walked out of his office, that we would have orders to stop the monitor and that we would have answers.  I was disappointed because we received neither.  I am a fan of Dr. M. and I do feel that he has Noah's best interest in mind.  He told me that the plan was to get the doctor who did the ph study to correlate the results with the sleep study, both done on December 22nd of last year.  I then told him that our pediatrician has been trying to get that done since the study and the doctor refused because Noah wasn't technically her patient.  This didn't sit well with Dr. M. and he said this has been a problem for a while and these doctors only do part of the test.  He stated over and over that it is very important that the results are correlated to see if the apnea episodes are related to reflux directly or if they are central, related to the sleep center in his brain.  He said it is tedious and takes a long time, but that is the whole point of the test to begin with.  Dr. M. also stated that when he drops the ph probe in patients and sends them for a sleep study, he correlates the information.  This has me wondering why he was not the doctor to do it in the first place, since he has been Noah's doctor since he was a couple of months old.  He said we might have to redo the test if they both simply refuse to finish their job, but that would be crazy because the data is already there.  Dr. M. told me that the plan of care as of right now is to continue with the monitor until told otherwise and continue with the increased medications.  The plan of care for the future is pending on the results of the testing done in December.  During the 22 hour study, Noah had 146 episodes of reflux!  Keep in mind that this test was done with him being off of his medicine for 5 days prior.  Dr. M. said that over 8% of the time Noah is refluxing.  He said that one occurrence lasted over 8 minutes.  This occurrence, of course, did not obstruct his airway.  I would think that based on the ph test results, it's safe to assume that his apnea is related to reflux.  The doctor will not assume anything though (which I am happy about, completely).  He said that if he has any central apnea, then he will need another medical work up to see what is going on with the 'sleep center' in his brain.  Central apnea is related to SIDS and the brain doesn't start or maintain the breathing process.  This form of apnea is usually seen in preemies (which Noah wasn't) and usually has a neurological cause, so I am believing that this isn't the case.  Dr. M. explained that the plan of care might include fundoplication surgery if it is related to reflux alone.  This is where they wrap the stomach around the esophagus and sew it into place.  This tightens the valve between the esophagus and the stomach.  Dr. M. also stated, which I remember very clearly that 90% of general reflux cases improve on their own by the time the child is two!!  So we definitely have hope that Noah will not have this for very much longer!  His daddy suffers from reflux daily and I do not want that for my son.  I want him to be healed of this, and I would like to throw the monitor in the fireplace, honestly!!  So there is my update, and i'm sure there will be more to come.  We are disappointed, but I know there will be an update in the future where I can write that all of this worry and waiting is over and he is healed!!  

hope more

"Fear less, hope more;

Eat less, chew more;

Whine less, breathe more;

Talk less, say more;

Love more, 

and all good things will be yours"

disappointment and hope

Noah has an appointment scheduled with his pediatric GI doctor on March 9th!  Our pediatrician told us about a month ago that he hoped the March download (from the apnea monitor) would show significant improvement with the increase in medication and hopefully Dr. M would discharge the order for the monitor.  We have been and still are looking forward to this appointment with Dr. M!  However, home health downloaded the monitor on March 2nd.  I received a call from the pediatrician's nurse Thursday, the 4th, telling me that dr. V wanted to make sure we are keeping Noah on the monitor and not to change anything until we see dr. M.  I asked her if she received the results and she said yes, but she wasn't able to interpret them.  I asked to be transferred to someone who could and she did.  I was told that Noah had 8 central apnea episodes that lasted over 16 seconds and 1 that lasted over 20 seconds.  This is an improvement from 12+ episodes but I am not sure what dr. M. is going to say.  I just get so frustrated and disappointed because I am sick and tired of the monitor, but at the same time blessed that this technology is even available.  Noah has spots where the electrodes go that look like they are forming calluses from the rubbing and constant pressure.  Hopefully those will go away.  I am not trying to have a pity party and I know that every family has their own hurdles and ups and downs.  This is our little hurdle and in the grand scheme of things, it is small.  He is safe, he has a monitor that alarms if his breathing stops, and nothing will happen to him.  As his mother, I want him to be able to sleep without a tight band around his chest, alarms going off, cords going everywhere inside his crib, etc.  I am also selfishly ready to get a full nights sleep!!!  He is now waking up every three hours (like a newborn).  If I let him cry it out, his alarm goes off for tachycardia.  I am just praying that when we meet with the doctor on Tuesday, we will get some answers.  I have plenty of questions and concerns that I hope will get answered.

Always on the go!

It seems like our lives are getting busier and busier and time is not slowing down!  Halle started soccer and her first practice was Monday evening.  We bundled her in layers and she practiced outside with her team in the 40 degree weather.  It wasn't that bad and she didn't practice for that long.  It was interesting to say the least!  Our friend is the coach and her twins are on the team, as well as a couple of other kids that she knows.  She seemed a little timid, which is to be expected for her first time to ever play.  She was more excited about wearing her shin guards and soccer shoes than actually playing and I must say she looked adorable standing out there kind of clueless!  Her first soccer game is this saturday at 10am!  We are very excited!
Halle usually has ballet on Saturday mornings so we are temporarily changing her ballet class to the Thursday class.  I hope it works out because there are only three kids in that class and 9 in her Saturday class.  Hopefully she'll pick up more of her recital routine.  They actually gave us a cd and the instructions to practice with the kids.  Personally, I think it's kind of fast music for three year olds.  I had to google Tendu and passe because I didn't have a clue and there was no way I was going to remember from my childhood ballet days.  So I watched the videos on youtube and tried to practice with Halle and she kept saying, "no, mommy, not like that, no."  So I think i'll just encourage her to listen in class and do her best!  I think she'll look cute on stage no matter what!!
So with gymnastics on Tuesdays, we are a pretty busy family!  I told her that I wasn't going to re-enroll her in gymnastics this next session and she was heartbroken!  She kept telling me that she wanted to be in her friend Remi's class forever and ever.  So I think I will keep her in it.  Soccer season is short and I really don't mind being on the go with the kids in tow!!  Halle has so much energy and doesn't get very much interaction with other little girls outside of activities so it's a great opportunity for her to make friends and burn up that exuberant amount of energy!  I actually look forward to gymnastic Tuesdays because the mommy's get time to chat as well.  Oh how I miss getting to just chat with friends!  I try to engage in conversations that last more that 5 minutes, but it's hard with Noah trying to go up the slide backwards, trying to eat trash off the floor, licking the mirror, or disappearing into the lobby.
This week was going to have something every night...soccer practice, gymnastics, zoe's vet appointment (for vaccines), ballet, dinner with friends, soccer game, baby shower....on top of working.....can you say OVERLOAD!  I cancelled Zoe's appointment and made a doctors appointment instead for Noah.  He's been running a fever since Monday night.  We've been giving him tylenol and motrin (which I feel works better) and it was still at 102.4 tonight.  The doctor said it was a virus and he has pus pockets on his tonsils.  So I understand now why he isn't wanting to eat!  Tonight I felt so bad for him b/c he wanted to be held all of the time and when I sat him on the ground he just laid his head down and whined.  His papa came over and just rocked him and prayed for him!  I love that they are always there for us and our children at a moments notice.  He started feeling a little better when papa got here and actually started to play fetch with the dogs.  He throws the ball and they actually bring it back....even though they need a little motivation to let go of the ball.  Once we can teach Booze to let go and drop it in noah's lap we may have an activity that could last for hours!  I really hope that Noah starts feeling better quickly.  I was really looking forward to having dinner with friends we haven't seen in a while but know that it will be worth waiting until he can really enjoy himself (and isn't contagious!)

*Update on Booze:  he laid around the house for about two days after his little snip snip and didn't show any interest in peeing on anything......until we had friends over for a playdate!  He then decided to pee all over a curious george cardboard puzzle that was on the floor.  We got the crate back out and he will stay in it while we are at work.  Hopefully someday we can leave him out without having everything chewed up or peed on!!